QUESTIONS ON THE “PATH” is a new, regular series (at least once per month), examining the questions students bring me about spiritual awakening, and my response based on my own studies and experiences. If you’d like to ask a question that might be featured here, please send it to me via: j@simplyawake.com, and let me know it’s okay to be published. (Your name will not be published unless you request that.)
QUESTIONS ON THE “PATH” #2: Why does it seem like some people take your energy and some don’t?
So for example I can hang out with B**** for a few hours and feel great after. I hang out with that T***** guy that I was trying to refer and I feel absolutely drained. Like some folks are a lot of effort and some aren’t. I’ve known both of them about the same amount of time, but because of the difference which is easily apparent very quickly, I’ve spent much more time with Brian since.
Answer:
In my experience, the people who are draining are people who take the focus of the conversation, and want all of the attention. They may feel as if they are desperate for answers or solutions, or just desperate for attention. In many cases, they dominate the conversation, looking for an answer or answers to their negative view of life. However, as much advice as you might throw at them is either (a) never enough or (b) isn’t quite right or (c) they agree with it but, never put the suggestions into practice. These kinds of people give you very little attention in return and/or don’t have much empathy. T***** actually needs a therapist or spiritual guide but, either can’t find one or has given up thinking that would be helpful (because he, perhaps, had someone who didn’t help him much).
People like B***, from the way you describe him, are open, and interested in dialog. They both give and receive attention, are engaged in the conversation, and are honest with what they think and feel. The question you sent me last week from B* is indicative of the kind of dialog you have with him. He engaged with what you were saying and asked his honest and intelligent questions about it. You feel his energy and interest in your life and questions, in equal measure to how you give him your energy and interest.
I find that in my private life, the people I want to ‘hang out’ with are those who both give and receive like B****. So while it takes energy to have the dialog, you are also receiving energy and interest in return. So to use an analogy: T******, who is ‘draining the battery,’ and B**** is completing a closed circuit which continues to flow.