A recent interaction with one of my gurus (currently alive) has left ‘me’ puzzled and looking at the search for ‘awakening’ and ‘enlightenment’ in a whole different way. I think I got addicted to the approval of teachers, so I have wandered around for the last 45 years looking for it. Now that I’ve got it from some and don’t have it from others, I wonder what I’ve been looking for.
‘Awake’ and ‘enlightened’ are human constructs like any other human construct. The ‘ego self’ is another such construct. It’s true that there is something deeper than the ego self. What it is, perhaps will always remain a Mystery. We can try to explain it but, words ruin Mystery.
What we are and what Reality is can’t really be known in any final way. It has to be lived from one moment to the next without clinging to any identity, even the identity of being ‘awakened or enlightened’ or ‘a teacher.’ Sometimes it takes failing to get a teacher’s approval to realize the truth that’s right in front of one’s nose all along. No ‘I’ to get ‘awakened’ or ‘enlightened.’ No final ‘understanding’ that will be universally accepted.
Today it also seems that there is no condition called ‘awake’ or ‘enlightened’ that can be universally verified in all traditions. “I” could chase “it” eternally and never be “done” depending on the latest teacher’s vision of ‘done.’ So “I” am giving up. What remains, lots of tools and methods for going deeper and a desire to help others deepen. What doesn’t remain? Ultimate Answers or Identities.
What’s next is…a Mystery.